
c. Susan Sorrell Hill
The Illustration Friday word of the week is paisley.
In 1968, when I was fifteen, my very-mobile family moved from Maryland to a different planet.
Sporting the new, short and ‘very 50’s’ haircut that my Dad said all the Southern California girls were wearing, I found it very hard to fit in. Golden, long-tressed goddesses and equally golden surfer boys were everywhere, and although I had experienced the New Kid syndrome thirteen times in twelve years, this was a high-level challenge. Add sexuality to the mix. My path of least resistance was to become a ‘brain’… avoiding altogether the paisleys, granny glasses, drugs and surfing. I was sure that I had already learned that painful lesson of ‘trying to be something that I was not’ during a recent, horrendous junior high cheerleader tryouts experience. (Don’t ask.)
Many years later, the lesson of trying to fit in came around once again, and this time it was not family-induced. I had been painting on silk for a year, making lovely and colorful patterns when I came across a textile design school in Berkeley. “Voila,” I thought… “a way to make a living and do what I loved too!” Two years of training and a year of freelancing later, I woke up one morning and realized I had once again sold my Soul. The work I was trying to crank out held no meaning for me, and my heart was not in it at all. Clearly, I was not suited to being a textile designer, even though I was technically quite good at it.
With phrases like “Build it and they will come,” and “Do What You Love, the Money Will Follow,” echoing in my head, I embarked on an artistic journey of making images that were beautiful and personally meaningful. It was exhilarating… I was prolific… people admired the work… and mostly, it did not sell. I took part-time jobs to make ends meet. Continuing in this vein, I have accumulated strong work which seems to not quite ‘fit’ anywhere. With lots of water under that Not Fitting bridge, you can imagine that this conundrum might be a bit painful…
These days, I take it as a spiritual challenge… to make the work that calls me, and trust that there is a Purpose for it. That it will touch at least one other person in a meaningful way, and that my daily needs will be met too. I suppose it is that manna from heaven approach to Life. I would be far more comfortable in a groove which comes with a stable bank account, but having looked back and been turned to the proverbial pillar of salt more than a few times, I see that doing what I love must come first…
When Success finds me now, it will be a fit for the real me.
Dear Success… My studio door is open, the tea kettle is on, and I am ready for you…! Love, Susan
“Paisley Textile Design” (gouache)
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